Sunday, August 31, 2008

Support for wives of sex offenders

Yes, I am the wife of a sex offender. I know there are others out there and I was hoping to get in touch with them...I know that maybe, someone would like a place to unload their fears, thoughts, struggles, just like I would.



Let's get to know each other:



I met my husband in Oct 2006. By our second date, he told me his story. But the man I met, did not fit the description of the man he was accused of being. Plus, I feel everyone deserves second chances. So, we had a whirlwind relationship. Didn't take me long to figure out that this man was the man of my dreams. Have you ever made a list of "your perfect" husband? I had. Right after my divorce from my first husband of 24 years. It was amazing how many markers, that this convicted sex offender possessed. He is my soul mate, the man of my dreams. By Dec 2006, we were engaged. Yes, I know it was quick...but sometimes you just know! In August 2007, we were married, A big wedding too because he had never been married. (After all, you can't meet a wife when you're serving 20 years in a Federal prison.) We had a different but fantastic honeymoon. Course we were limited by where we could go, after all...had to be within the state...a stipulation by his parole officer. So we honeymooned in a tent in a camp ground in the mountains. Did I mention that we took along our son? A big 110 pound Belgium Shepherd. It rained for the first 3 days....but we had a great time. You learn if your marriage is going to survive or break when spending 3 days in a tent with the man you promised to love for life and a 110 pound dog. We laughed, played scrabble, we talked, and even sat out in the rain drinking coronas and just talk. This August 2008, we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary. I wish I could say we had a glorious 1st year...but it would have been if not for the issues with the sex offenders laws and restrictions from his parole officer.



You see, my husband was convicted over 28 years ago for a crime he did not commit. (yes, I know, that's what they all say!) but he has proof. Evidence was covered up, expert witnesses made unavailable...etc. I've seen it, read it. And if you knew my husband, you'd believe it too. Plus...would a guilty man turn down a plea bargain that would have him serve only 7 years and available for parole after 24 hours for the crime of rape and murder? My husband turned it down, not once but 3 times. It was not his nature to say he was guilty of a crime he did not commit. He was hoping that justice would prevail. He just didn't know at the time, that evidence would be covered up. Evidence that could prove his innocence.



Recently, my husband had to register as a Sex offender. Why? Since the laws do not apply to him in our state. Because his PO lied and said that a judge had ordered it. I went to the Sheriff's office with him, the day he had to register. It is a humiliating process. Made even more so with the posting on the Internet and in our daily newspapers. But we hold our heads up.



Our lives our consumed with legal fighting for justice. I've picked up where his mother left off...using every resource to get his story told. But guess what...no one wants to do anything about a 28 yo injustice. Its so frustrating. I needed an outlet. although, I could talk to my husband, I don't want to add more worries than he already has. Plus, I felt, by creating this blog site, we, (the wives, significant others) could help one another...just by lending an ear (or key stroke as the case may be).



So that's just a little about my story. Won't you share yours?



DEE

from Maryland

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

It was back in 98, he was going through the police academy, I was going on 15, young gay and didn't know any better after years of abuse from friends and family.
I met him through my older brother and from a distance.
We never spent time together alone as my family was always home, though I wanted to.
Anyways, after many months of visits, I got the courage to talk to him and his responses to me were that of a very wise man.
I fell in love with him probably the first day I laid eyes on him, as you've said, you just know.
well, eventually I let my feelings known without first confronting him about them and word got to him and one day he asked me what all the hoopla was about? I told him I was in love with him and what did he do?
He went straight to my family and told them they needed to get me some counselling right away and that I should be with a group of kids my age with the same problems or it could end up ugly.
needless to say certain questions were brought up and he did admit that if I were over 18 he would not mind dating me and going from there, and thats probably where the mistakes were made.
My family insisted he stay around to assist in guiding me since they knew nothing about homosexual life and he admitted he was gay and well, after that family meeting word got out and started to spread through the rumor mills and grew and grew.
By the time they were done growing, he was being accused of serial rape of all the male teens at the local teen recrational facilities, on a daily basis.
I was approached by the state and was told that if I told them we had sex together they would help him and myself and we could be together forever and after all, thats what I wanted so I told them whatever they wanted to hear and at that time I didn't know he was beaing beaten into confessing that he had sex with me daily, by his peers at the local police station.
Did I mention he passed the academy and was awaiting assignment to the new gay and lesbian sextion of the police force? His dream? To be a gay cop?
well, I was told not to worry about anything that it was okay now, he was going to prison.
I tried to go and tell the truth but was turned back by the court and told they didn't need me anymore since he was pleading guilty in front of a judge and that I should just go away and forget about it.
I tried over the years but never could forget about it.
well, years went by and he got out and of course I went to see him.
He forgave me for everything.
we were together after my 18th birthday for 6 years.
He asked to marry me on my 21st birthday though I said we should wait and see.
well, needless to say, it was a living hell watching him go through the bs the government put him through.
Probation officer would come sneaking in on him trying to catch him in the act of some/any crime.
He pissed tested him almost every other day (there where never drugs or alchohol involved).
He was treated like a monster when asked to visit his dying (deceased) brother in new york.
Probation would deny him.
His brother held on till he was off free and clear and died about a month later so he got to be with him for if but a month.
he wanted to move to new york and I agreed to move with him.
When we got there he regitered and 6 months later the DA wanted to raise his level.
He got a public defender and we both sat and discussed everything.
Though he admitted and pled guilty he has to own it for the rest of his life as we dont know what to do about it now.
I admit he never put his hands on me ever though after I turned 18 it doesn't count.
well, back to new york, the DA was saying he was dangerous and he needed to be watched like a hawk since the probation officer from boston issued his personal opinions and so it had to be true, right?
well, not according to the judge.
The case was called after many months of bs and we were all there hoping for the best.
When the DA ever got up there and said, and I quote, "Your Honor, the state has no aurgument here" we were almost floored!
He was happy since not only didn't his level/tier go up, the judge knocked it down and didn't designate him as any danger.
though all that is great, I did not want to live in new york anymore since I was too far from friends family and vices.
I am a drug abuser and he brought me thought a change may do me good if I got away from that life for a while and detox myself.
I couldn't and went back.
He tried to make it work though the long distance really truthfully does not work, I dont care who you are.
We broke up due to my infidelity in Aug last year and he has since moved on and is dating/living with a close friend of both of us.
he talks to me from time to time as I to him and for the most part, he is still living the sex offenders nightmare of not knowing when they will all be rounded up and cast away on that remote island.
Though I suspect that if the government did happen to buy an island somewhere hot and sunny, he would volunteer as one of the first to be exiled and get away from the hoopla and media circus as well as the hysterical idiots who dont realize their own family and friends have more of a potential to abuse their kids than a stranger.
Oh he was confronted in the street and assaulted by strangers who recognized him though of course all their facts were wrong, and a cop had to get involved, one of his academy buddies, how ironic.
well, theres lots more but I just wanted to say thanks for letting me share/ramble on here.

Anonymous said...

Dear Dee,
I am so glad that you are sharing your story with us. My husband and I got married in nineteen seventy seven and in January of to thousand and nine it will be thirty two years for us. We were high school sweethearts. My husband did seven years in prison. But for seven years we talked on the phone to each other and wrote letters. I had to write in Braille because I am blind from birth. While he was in he took a Braille course. And the thing to me that’s the hardest is that the stigma that you and I get for standing by our men. If guys land in jail for sex crimes every one that thinks that they can not be loved or forgiven or given a second chance at life. I am like you. I also think that any man or woman no mater how long they have been in prison deserves a second chance at life. When my husband first got arrested the church I used to go to said that everything was my fault. How stupid and wrong they are. I had to endure five years of probation and it was no picnic. My husbands name should be off the registry in February if they do not pass any more dumb laws. I love my husband very much. But when we are out in public and people are talking about sensitive issues its hard for me to cope. Your story touched my heart. I hope you and your husband have a great marriage and a wonderful life in spite of all this.

Dee said...

nd we know all about not allowing witnesses to testify when its against what the officials as to a verdict. Thank you for sharing your story. And feel free to keep sharing your thoughts. You are not judged here. We all are in the same boat, and even though we are not stamped as a sex offender, the mere fact that we love one...marks us. We are looked at differenlty and people act around us differently. Good luck and keep blogging.

Dee said...

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man, who loves you enough to learn braille. I wish everyone could see our husbands as we do...then the witch hunt would stop. No one realizes that most sex offenders do not re-offend. In our state, my husband will never get off the sex offender registration unless a court order makes it so. We are fighting it as we speak because according to the law, he should have never been put on it. Please keep in touch and feel free to share any of your thoughts or fears. Thank you for your story.

Anonymous said...

This is a good blog. Keep it going.

--Visitor from Delmarvanow.com

Dee said...

Thank you visitor from Delmarva Now. It gives me peace and renews my spirit and will to continue with my fight when I get blogs that encourage me to continue

Anonymous said...

Thank you for creating this blog & sharing your story. This registry system does nothing to 'protect' people from 'predators,' but it does ruin the lives of the innocent families who are also marked with the scarlett letter. I pray for the day that the mass-hysteria and witch hunt ends.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. My husband did commit a sex crime but he didn't rape anyone or molest a small child. He had sex with his girlfriend who was 16 when he was 22. It was wrong yes, but is it a reason for ruining his and my life? I didn't know what I was getting into when we married. Now, my son can't have his father help out in boy scouts and we have to worry if someone will find out whenever we go to my daughters school assemblies. Lord forbid he actually volunteer. I share your pain and all the other wives of sex offenders.

COV said...

My husband and I married in 1996 and his crime is from back then. He was just recently charged, tried and sentenced and is serving a 4 year sentence. We began a family in 2001 and have 2 beautiful children. Up until now, we were the 'perfect family'. My husband is the worlds greatest Dad. His kids love him so and for good reason. He is wonderful. He has such a strong and healthy relationship with his kids. The sad thing is, since his charges involve a minor, the warden of the jail has denied visitation with the kids. I have fought it and although the judge said he could have contact with his children, the warden has the last word on whether or not they can visit at the jail and she says only if I allow social services to bring them in, without me present. So I have to chose which one will hurt them least. Not seeing their dad, for 5 months now or sending them with strangers into a very difficult situation when they are already hurting from the circumstances and very clingy since their dad has been gone. Meanwhile, he is serving time in a facility 3 1/2 hours away and I need to arrange childcare every week so i can visit my husband. I have been doing this now for 5 months and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. But I know he needs me, so I must. He is hating life and misses his family so. Every day that goes by is hurting us all so badly. I have appealed to people both about his location and the children visiting, but no one wants to help me. All they say is...because of his charges...When he comes home, I don't know what that will be like. he will be required to register within 5 days. Letters will be sent to our neighbors. His picture and all our information will be on the internet. How is he supposed to get a job? Even if his boss wouldn't care that he was a sex offender, what about colleagues, what will they think? This world is so cruel. Not all sex offenders are animals. My family is hurting and no one really seems to care. That isn't entirely true. I have friends that know everything and they care. I have had many people help me as my husband was sole provider for our family and I am a stay at home mom. I homeschool our children. I just get so depressed sometimes. It just isn't fair.

Anonymous said...

my fiance and i met when i was 14 and he was 16. just a few months ago we started dating after his first marriage fell apart. he told me when we first started dating that it fell apart because they just started to go separate ways and that they married for all the wrong reasons. two weeks after we started dating he got picked up and put in jail for a probation violation. i didn't even know about his charges. he is out on bond right now but has to go back to court in november. we were planning on getting married in may but right now we can't plan anything. i love my fiance he is an amazing man and does not deserve what he has been handed. two years ago he fooled around with a girl from his church. he was 24 at the time. the girl said she was 18 and they didn't have sex. she continued to blow up his phone with calls and text messages the next day and his wife who he was separated from at the time found out and brought it to her dad who just happened to be the pastor of his church. he brought it before the parents and the police. once it was brought before the police they had to press charges. because my fiance worked in the church he was charged and found guilty almost two years later (his conviction just went through in jan) with indecent liberties with a minor by consent. the girl got up and testified that she lied about her age and it was consensual and they still charged him. the judge told him to appeal it because it should be able to be over turned but the appeal process is taking us forever. he is currently serving 4 yrs probation and because of the custodian on his charges they listed him as violent on the registry so he has to be registered for life. as we pray for the appeal to go through we have had to struggle with finances, work, and places to live. he can't find a decent job because of the charges so we have to live with me and my mom because we are both working low wage jobs right now and i'm finishing college. we have to get a court order for him to move in because i have a 13 yr old brother who is autistic who my fiance is awesome with and my brother loves him. he got picked up on probation violation because his po originally told him he didn't have to register his job because it wasnt on the books but then they picked him up for failure to register and now that he has been out of jail on bond for the past two months the po has yet to return one call and we've even spent time sitting at the po's office talking to his supervisor. the system seems so corrupt and i know this isnt the end. its good to know i'm not the only one out there. i love my fiance with all my heart. he is amazing and doesnt deserve this but if his appeal doesnt go through then this will effect us for the rest of our lives and we are only 24 and 26. i can't plan the wedding and honeymoon of my dreams because we can't leave the state and wont know until november if he will have to serve time for the probation violation. we go to church and pray regularly that everything will work out. but when does a consensual act with a girl who lies about her age but admits her wrongs on the stand constitute ruining a life of an amazing man with so much love for people, God, and me. like i said its great to know there are others out there who see the good in a man stuck in the wrong situation and i'm glad to know that other could stick by their husbands while they served time because if he has to serve time i will be beside him the whole way. he has all my heart. my thoughts and prayers are with all of you women as well. we are strong and so are our men.

Anonymous said...

I met my husband in 2003, 11 days days after his release from a 10 year prison sentence. He told me of his legal problems during our first date. OK, now I am dating a Sex Offender. So why did I continue seeing him? He fits me. We are good together. He is smart, thoughtful and honest to a fault. We talk about everything. We share everything. We trust and believe in each other. We have a wonderful and secure relationship...with each other. But there is the dark side. We live in hell. I live in low income housing. My husband can't live here with me. If the management learns that my husband is homeless, he'll have to put an end to my husband staying all night. If he finds out that my husband is a S.O. My husband will be banned from the property and I may lose my housing. His P.O. has been here 3 times. The police have been here once to arrest him. This was due to a mis-communication on the part of the P.O. A previous P.O. repeatedly violated my husband several times and falsified records.
My husband can't find work or anywhere to live. He will lose his subsidized housing in 18 days. Happy Holidays? Yeah right. He can't register/live outside of Clackamas county. He will have to sleep in the car I live in WA county. He has until April 2011 to remain on P.P.S. (post prison, supervision). At that time he plans to return to HI, to live in a shack on his parents land. No running water, or toileting facilities. He will have to make a trip to a water station, 5 miles from the shack to get drinking water. We have no choice. If all goes well, we may be back together in a year or so. This is one hell of a life. I am 55 years old and he is 51. When are people punished enough?

Pam said...

Before meeting my husband I was like many of the people in this society. I put all offenders in the category of: child molesters. Boy was I wrong. In spite of my prejudices, I married a convicted Sex Offender. That was 8 years ago. Today... I sit in front a computer writing posts in support of my husband.
My husband got out of prison in 2003. Because of problems with finding employment, housing and bad P.O.s he has been in and out of jail since his release.
He is presently in temporary subsidized housing. In 6 days he will be evicted. At this time we have no idea whether or not he will have to sleep in the car or be sent to the work release center.
My apartment manager is unaware of my husband's S.O. status. If he was aware... I might be evicted and my husband would be banned from the property. At this time he has given permission for a total of 2 overnight stays every week.
My husband's recent P.O. has been pretty fair... so far. He gave permission for my husband to stay overnight 1 night a week.
So, we have 2 nights out of the week together. His previous P.O. had it out for him. The P.O. violated him several times and falsified reports.
My husband will be off supervision in April of 2010. There is no one out here to hire him. No one who will give him housing.
Many S.O.s face this.
The only choice that we have is for him to fly back to Hawaii and live on his parent's land. You might think wow... Hawaii... What is she complaining about?
The island is the Big Island. The land is undeveloped. We built a rudimentary shack on it to live in. The isn't any running water, or sewer system. We used buckets with saw dust for toilets. which where emptied down lava tubes (pukas), electricity was installed just last year.
The property is surrounded by jungle and vegetation. Which is home to wild pigs and among other things, poisonous toads, giant cockroaches, that are as big as an adult's hand). There are giant spiders the size of saucers. Giant centipedes that measure 8"-10" long. The threat of staph infections is always present.
We collected rainwater for bathing and cleaning. We traveled 5 miles to collect treated drinking water. This is not paradise.
These people aren't as friendly as the tourist pamphlets would have you believe. Most of the Asian population really don't want those from the mainland moving in.
As bad as all of this is, at least my husband would have a 'home'.
He plans to stay there for one year and see how things work out. If they do, he wants to send for me.
My husband is listed as a predator, despite test results. He passes all of the polygraphs and plythesmographs.
He had the lowest score on the A.B.E tests in all areas. I am afraid that someone will learn of his status as a S.O. Vigilantes are everywhere. Fear and anger are the gasoline poured on the fire of subject of S.Os. It is a witch hunt.
Do I condone any kind of sexual abuse towards anyone? Absolutely not!
Do I have answers about what to do. I don't. But do I know what the right way to treat another person. The way most S.O.s are treated is wrong. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Pam said...

Before meeting my husband I was like many of the people in this society. I put all offenders in the category of: child molesters. Boy was I wrong. In spite of my prejudices, I married a convicted Sex Offender. That was 8 years ago. Today... I sit in front a computer writing posts in support of my husband.
My husband got out of prison in 2003. Because of problems with finding employment, housing and bad P.O.s he has been in and out of jail since his release.
He is presently in temporary subsidized housing. In 6 days he will be evicted. At this time we have no idea whether or not he will have to sleep in the car or be sent to the work release center.
My husband will be off supervision in April of 2010. No one who will give him a break.
The only choice that we have is for him to fly back to Hawaii and live on his parent's land. You might think wow... Hawaii... What is she complaining about?
The land is undeveloped. We built a rudimentary shack on it to live in. There isn't any running water, or sewer system. We used buckets with saw dust for toilets. which where emptied down lava tubes (pukas), electricity was installed just last year.
The property is surrounded by jungle and vegetation. Which is home to wild pigs and among other things, poisonous toads, giant cockroaches, that are as big as an adult's hand). There are giant spiders the size of saucers. Giant centipedes that measure 8"-10" long. The threat of staph infections is always present.
We collected rainwater for bathing and cleaning. We traveled 5 miles to collect treated drinking water. This is not paradise.
These people aren't as friendly as the tourist pamphlets would have you believe. Most of the Asian population really don't want those from the mainland moving in.
As bad as all of this is, at least my husband would have a 'home'.
My husband is listed as a predator, despite test results. He passes all of the polygraphs and plythesmographs.
He had the lowest score on the A.B.E tests in all areas. I am afraid that someone will learn of his status as a S.O. Fear and anger are the gasoline poured on the fire of subject of S.Os.
Do I condone any kind of sexual abuse towards anyone? Absolutely not!
Do I have answers about what to do. I don't. But I know the right way to treat another person. The way most S.O.s are treated is wrong. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Pam said...

Before meeting my husband I was like many of the people in this society. I put all offenders in the category of: child molesters. Boy was I wrong. In spite of my prejudices, I married a convicted Sex Offender. That was 8 years ago. Today... I sit in front a computer writing posts in support of my husband.
My husband got out of prison in 2003. Because of problems with finding employment, housing and bad P.O.s he has been in and out of jail since his release.
My husband's recent P.O. has been pretty fair... so far. He gave permission for my husband to stay overnight 1 night a week.
So, we have 2 nights out of the week together. His previous P.O. falsified records,and loaded on the violations.
My husband will be off supervision in April of 2010.
The only choice that we have is for him to fly back to Hawaii and live on his parent's land. You might think wow... Hawaii... What is she complaining about?
The island is the Big Island. The land is undeveloped. We built a rudimentary shack on it to live in. There isn't any running water, or sewer system, electricity was installed just last year.
The property is surrounded by jungle and vegetation. Which is home to wild pigs and among other things, poisonous toads, giant cockroaches, and giant spiders the size of saucers. I am terrified of the giant centipedes. who measure 8"-10" long. Staph infections is always a danger.
Rainwater is collected for bathing and cleaning. We traveled 5 miles for treated drinking water. This is not paradise.
My husband is listed as a predator. He passes all of the polygraphs and plythesmographs.
He had the lowest score in all tested areas of the A.B.E tests. I am afraid that someone will learn of his status as a S.O. Do I condone any kind of sexual abuse towards anyone? Absolutely not!
Do I have answers about what to do. I don't. But do I know what the right way to treat another person. The way most S.O.s are treated is wrong. Everyone deserves a second chance.

Dee said...

I want to thank everyone for their comments. I know I have been neglecting my blog but things have gone from bad to worse. Between my back injury and the new Sex offender laws, I have been so depressed, I have not felt like writing. My husband still has the same Ass hole for a PO and he has gotten more retalitory. Always calling the Sheriff's office in an attempt to get them to arrest Michael. I was harassed my a MD state trooper. Now, my husband's parole hearing will be coming up in Jan. 2011. I have no hope that they will take Michael off supervised parole although between the 20 years he spent in prison and the 10 years of supervised parole equals his initial mandatory sentence of 30 years. (You only get credit for "street time" if you are arrested and facing more prison time. WTF?) My husband has been working as a CDL driver for this one company for the past 3 years. Now, they are closing that facility as of Feb. 1, 2011. These days there are NO JOBS. And with the new RSO laws, plus his PO changing the conditions of his parole every time the mood stikes.....He will be unable to get another job. I work 10 hours a week due to my back injury. (Thanks to worker's comp, I have suffered a $50,000/yr loss of income)

So that's my story update. Please continue reading and writing to me. We all need to feel some kind of support.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I will try to write more regulary in the future!

Anonymous said...

It's so wonderful to hear everyone's story and know that I'm not the only one dealing with this garbage. Long story short, my husband slept with a girl who lied about her age when he was 23 in 2004. Evidence was not gathered, witnesses were not subpoenaed, etc. You're all familiar with the "justice" system's inner workings...or lack therof. He has been put on 6 different caseloads and in 4 different therapy groups since he was released from prison 3 years ago. No one wants to deal with him because they know his charges are bs. We have two young daughters together, and he is a wonderful husband and father and truly the best man I know. These injustices are happening to enough people that as long as we do what we can to educate the general public about the reality of these so-called "sex offenders" and what their families are put through, the backlash will affect the legal system. I firmly believe justice will prevail even if it is still a long way off.

Anonymous said...

My partner had sex with a young teen in 2003. He knew how old she was, but it was consensual in every sense of the word. She was already sexually experienced, and in her own words "Wanted to be with him and definitely wanted to have sex with him." He was going through the worst time of his life when this took place. His father had just turned up out of the blue after no contact for almost twenty years. His then marriage had ended due to numerous infidelities on the part of his wife, and he lived opposite one of her affair partners. He had to give up his job to take full custody of this three young children, or they would go into care. As a single father, social services checked up on him constantly and he had to endure people in the street telling himhe could not possibly raise children as a single father. He was afraid to seek counselling, as that would put him under the care of "Mental Health Services" which would be made known to the Social worker, and made him fear he would end up losing his children. He literally had nobody to talk to except his best friend and her stepdaughter. The stepdaughter was a bit of a tearaway teen, openly promiscuous and nobody who hadn't been shown a birth certificate would believe she was a day under 18. Well, I don't know the specifics, but I know that they ended up in bed together after she found him in a bit of an emotional state one day. She is clear also that he broke it off with her, and wouldn't be persuaded otherwise.

Roll forward 9 years, and for some reason, this has been reported to the police. Not then, in 2003. Now, in 2011. The teen, now in her twenties, has admitted it happened, admitted pursuing him and admitted her full consent to the act. He still got arrested. This was literally days ago. He hasn't been officially charged with it yet, and his lawyer is hopeful that he may end up with a suspended sentence, as it falls under an older guideline for sentencing.

I've known and loved this man for seven and a half years. I have had children with him. What he did was wrong, and he knew it and knows it still. He has always feared the witch hunt. If this girl had acted towards a younger person, the way she acted towards my partner, SHE would be considered the one who had ated like a predator. As far as I am concerned, there is a world of difference between a pedophile (someone whose primary sexual attraction is to pre pubescent children) and an idiot who gave in to an insistent young girl when he was in a very emotional state of mind. In knowing she was underaged, he made a grave mistake, but has been a decent man every minute since. I don't believe he should be marked for life. Had he forced her, or coerced or even persuaded her, I would feel differently perhaps. But all I can see is the man I love, frightened about losing his family and friends and job.

Anonymous said...

I really like this blog. I have felt so alone for the past 12 years. My husband of sexual abuse in 1999. He never denied what he did. The judge said he had to register for 10 years. In 2001 the law changed & they now tell him he has to register for life. I never new that they can change the law 2 years post conviction & it still applies to you. Also, no matter how many years go by. You can never put this in your past. Life has been hard. My daughter was 9 when this occurred. My family continues to move beyond this but we cannot. Society will not let us.

Anonymous said...

I recently found out that my husband is a sex offender. We have been going back and forth about him talking about his past and resolving his past issues. I wish I could say he told me himself but after some research I found out he is a registered offender. I feel blindsided and pushed in a corner. I don't know how to bring up that I know about his past cause he shuts down on me and he says he is protecting our family by not resolving his past issues. We have two kids and He is a great dad. Any advice on how to proceed with such a sensitive area for him?

Anonymous said...

I am so blessed to find this website. I feel that there has been a burden lifted off my shoulder. So now I feel more at ease I am NOT the only one that is in love with a sex offender. where to begin. well here goes 2 months ago I have met a wonderful amazing guy in a store called Deals. I was buying some groceries and he glanced at me I smile back as he turn the corner of the aisle we continue to talk we change numbers he walked me home carry my groceries I know the very first day it was love at first sight. as we continue to talk for Weeks long Nights telephone calls we started to get serious. that's when he came out and told me he was sex offenders. I was not blind to it but I treat him like a human being I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I lay down rules and boundaries. and we understood each other on that point I feel that it's wrong have sex offenders have to put the whole life out to the world. there's no piracy you always have to worry about a parole officer knocking on your door. I learn to love him for who he is not what they label him as.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy I came across this site, it is something that I needed for the longest time. When I was 19 I started dating a friend of a friend, we ended up being together for almost 5 years. While we were together he was convicted of possessing child pornography, despite the jail time and the probation I gave him the benefit of the doubt and stuck with him...until he reoffended. After that I broke it off with him and after awhile I started talking to a guy I met online. We immediately hit it off and I fell for him quickly. About a year after meeting it came out that he was a sex offender as well (just my luck right?). But his story was different. He was married and has 3 children and after his marriage went stale and there was a divorce in progress, he went looking for companionship. He posted an ad online and got caught up in a nasty sting. There were police reports claiming he was trying to entice a 14 yr old girl for sex, when in fact the age of the girl was never mentioned in any of their conversations. At first they didnt have any evidence so he was released, then miraculously a year later there was 'evidence' so he was convicted and spent 9 months in a work release jail. After all was said and done, I have stuck by his side and have been trying to help him get back on his feet. He is an amazing boyfriend and a wonderful father and I can most definitely see myself spending the rest of my life with him. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for the both of us and I try hard to stay strong for him, but some days I feel like running in the opposite direction. I really needed to come across a site like this to help me, and him, through our struggles.