Friday, October 16, 2009

A Friend's Story: I am a wife of a Sex Offender

A friend asked me to post her story. It is a scary world out there and this story shows that even the most harmless act can cause a sex offender to be forced back to prison.

I AM ALSO THE WIFE OF A SO, AND A RN...I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO MY HUSBAND FOR MANY YEARS WHO IS AN ENGINEER, WE ARE A BLENDED FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY WORKS...THE KIDS NOW ADULTS CONSIDER THEMSELVES BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

MY STORY STARTED IN DECEMBER OF 2008, I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL NEAR SHIFT CHANGE WHEN I RECEIVED A CALL FROM THE NURSIN ADMIN TO COME DOWN TO THEIR OFFICE, HECK I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHERE IT WAS IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE I REALLY DIDNT NEED TO KNOW...I WAS MET BY 2 VA STATE POLICE OFFICERS INFORMING THAT MY HOUSE WAS BEING RANSACKED NOT THEIR WORDS AND MY HUSBAND HAD BEEN ARRESTED IN AN INTERNET STING...I WENT INTO COMPLETE SHOCK...NOT MY HUSBAND, NOT THE MAN THAT I THOUGHT HAD SUCH HIGH CHARATER MORALS AND VALUES...I WAS NUMB...I COULDNT THINK AND SAY WHAT I REALLY WANTED TOO...THE VERY SECOND THEY TOLD ME WHAT MY HUSBAND WAS ARRESTED FOR, I KNEW RIGHT AWAY WHAT HE WAS DOING..I EVEN TOLD THE ARRESTING OFFICER ...I INFORMED HIM THAT FOR YEARS MY HUSBAND STUDY ABUSIVE PARENTS, SEE HIS FIRST WIFE WAS ABUSIVE TO HIS 2 BOYS, MY HUSBAND ALWAYS FELT HE DIDNT PROTECT HIS CHILDREN AND CARRIED THAT GUILT...I KNEW THAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR THE MOST EVIL MOTHER....ALTHOUGH I UNDERSTAND WHAT EVERYONE IS THINKING BUT NO ONE KNOWS HIM BETTER THAN I DO....NO ONE...HE KNEW I WAS ABUSED FROM THE TIME I WAS 7 TO 17...HE AGAIN WANTED TO GET TO THE VERY SOUL OF THIS TYPE OF WOMAN THAT ALLOW THEIR KIDS TO BE ABUSE..

LONG STORY SHORT, HE IS IN THE COUNTY JAIL WAITING TO BE MOVED TO THE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS...MY HUSBAND GAVE ME FULL ASSESS TO THE EVIDENCE, AND IN THE COMING WEEKS I LEARNED ALOT OF MISTAKES HAD BEEN MADE...I BOUGHT THEM UP TO THE ATTORNEY, WHO REALLY DIDNT CARE,..ALTHOUGH AT THE TIME I THOUGHT HE DID...NOW I UNDERSTAND HOW ATTORNEYS OPERATE....THE DA IS LIKE A GOD TO THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY , THEY WANT TO KEEP THEIR RELATIONSHIP ALWAYS IN A FAVORABLE WORKING ENVIROMENT....WHAT I EXPERIENCE AT THE SENTENCING HEARING WAS A MIND TURNING EVENT...

I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO TELL SOMEONE....AND BE AS OPEN AND HONEST AS I CAN BE...I M SCARED...

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, I myself caming willing into a marriage of a SO, but all cards were on the table and the circumstances different. He is now back in county jail for failure to register, 5 days late! He sees his parole officer each month on time, but yearly has to register is this state. He missed his date by 5 days, went to the office and to register and they arrested him. HE WENT TO THEM!!! Needless to say, left me with a pile of problems and a mess. I too am a RN and my co-workers need not know my business. The whole neighborhood does. These bus stop letters are so embarrassing!! "you have a s.o. so we are moving the bus stop 50paces, now they sent one yesterday, informed the whole neighborhood he is incarcerated and that they are moving the bus stop back to the original spot, so what, it is 50 paces. still right across from the house. The legal system is impossible and the advocacy groups are impossible because S.O. is such a hot button topic. I know what you are going through. It will be a long road. You have to take care of yourself as well. I will look for your response

Dee said...

Yes, it is a long and bumpy road we chose to live. I love my husband. Clear and simple. My husband has never violated his parole and even passed his polygraph! Why they continue to punish those who follow all the rules and has never ever committed a crime in his life (he was falsely convicted and no I do not want to hear your opinion...I've heard them all) and has never ever committed a crime since being falsely convicted. Thankfully, we have never received those embarrassing letters. It seems we get 3 steps ahead and fall 5 steps behind. Best of luck to you. Keep in touch!

Anonymous said...

good morning, "no I do not want to hear your opinion...I've heard them all" you stated, no I would never doubt for a minute your statement or judge anyone else. sorta harsh but i understood. please we need to stick together, i adore my husband too. the happy face routine is wearing on my nerves. like i said i share this only with his father and stepmom. no one else to talk to. so please i will listen and understand any concerns or complaints or just if you want to throw a pity party i will put my had on and be there.

Dee said...

Anonymous: Everytime I state that my husband was wrongfully convicted...I get multiple comments basically saying "That's what they all say." But the Innocence Project has proven over a couple hundred times (and hundreds more they haven't gotten to) that there are those out there who have been wrongfully convicted. Unfortunately, for my husband, the body fluids, hair samples and other evidence from which DNA could be extracted was "mistakenly" destroyed when a lab employee packed the samples incorrectly. I bet it was an error. They (the FBI agents and prosecutor) knew during the trial that eventually this may come up and bite them in the ass later, so they made sure once a conviction was obtained...all evidence would be destroyed. After all, if my husband's conviction was found to be manipulated.....how many cases would have to be reviewed ( 3 crooked FBI agents and one crooked prosecutor who is now a Federal judge for 30 years). I am sure that there would be hundreds of thousands of cases that would be in question. But how many of those hundreds of thousands were manipulated (all in an effort to get a conviction)just like my husband's? How many more innocent people are out there whose lives have been changed forever by Federal Judge Coffin (who was then prosecutor Coffin) and 3 FBI agents?

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU FOR POSTING MY STORY, I CAN DO SIMPLE THINGS ON COMPUTERS AND THAT IS IT...I LIVE IN A VERY CONSERVATIVE CITY, WHEN NEWS BROKE OUT ABOUT MY HUSBAND BEING CAUGHT IN A INTERNET STING, NEWS FLEW UP AND DOWN THE COAST OF VIRGINIA....EVERYBODY KNOWS HERE AND AT WORK...I CAN SEE THEIR DISCUST IN THEIR EYES...I DONT DEFEND MYSELF OR MY HUSBAND ANY MORE...IT IS MY BUSINESS THAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO REMAIN BY HIS SIDE....HERE IS HOW I THINK, IF HE IS GUILTY THEN HE HAS A MENTAL DISEASE AND NEEDS HELP....I REMEMBER IN MY VOWS SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, ALSO BEING THERE FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD....I HAVE HAD NOTHING BUT GOOD FOR MANY YEARS. WHAT PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME TO DO IS LEAVE, BUT THEY DONT KNOW I WAS ABUSED AS A CHILD FOR 10 YEARS AND I TRUST MY GUT MORE THAN ANY POLICE SET UP STING OPERATIONS AND I KNOW THE MAN I HAVE BEEN WITH FOR SO MANY YEARS IS NOT GUILTY OF THIS CRIME..I WOULD HAVE PICKED UP ON SOMETHING...WE WERE AROUND KIDS ALL THE TIME AND NOTHING WAS DONE INAPPROPIETYLY...I AM SORRY BUT I DONT THINK A PERSON WAKES UP ONE DAY AND SAYS I THINK I WILL BE A SEX OFFENDER TODAY...ALL THE READING I HAVE DONE AND ADDITIONAL RESEARCH IN TALKING TO DRS...THEY ALL STATE I WOULD HAVE NOTICED SOMETHING NOT RIGHT...BUT I NEVER SAW ONE THING REMOTELY WRONG.

THE ACTUAL CASE HAS BEEN A MESS SINCE IT STARTED, FIRST THE TAPED INTERVIEW AT THE STATE POLICE OFFICE THAT WENT ON FOR 5.5 HOURS DIDNT WORK ...IMAGINE THAT...AND BETTER YET, THE DECOY PLAYING THE MOTHER OF THE MINOR WAS WIRED WITH FOUR DIFFERENT WIRES...YOU WANT TO GUESS WHAT HAPPEN THERE...YOU ARE RIGHT...THAT DIDNT WORK EITHER...NOW BOTH THESE TAPES HAVE MY HUSBAND EXPLAINING HIS SIDE AND THE DECOY TAPE HE IS TELLING THE OFFICER THAT HE WANTED TO MEET HER AND ASK HER WHY SHE WAS DOING THIS TO HER CHILDREN AND TOLD HER ALL ABOUT MY YEARS OF ABUSE FROM 7 TO 17 AND BEGGED HER NOT TO DO THIS TO HER CHILDREN....TO SOME THEY DONT BELIEVE BUT EVERYONE THAT KNOWS HIM BELIEVE HIM..

NEXT STEP I WAS CALLED BY THE ARRESTING AGENT TO COME AND PICK UP SOME OF THE EVIDENCE THAT WAS NOT REVELENT TO THE CASE...WHAT I BROUGHT HOME COULD FIT INTO A PAPER LUNCH BAG I WAS SO UPSET SEEING MY BELONGINGS WITH EVIDENCE TAPE WRAPPED AROUND THEM...THEY TOOK CDS DVD PHOTOS FROM OUR FAMILY ALBUMS, ANYWAY I STARTED CRYING....I SIGNED THE PIECE OF PAPER AND SO DID ARRESTING OFFICER....WHEN I GOT HOME I READ THE PAPER...AND AGAIN GUESS WHAT...I HAD SIGNED A PAPER STATING I HAD PICKED UP ALL THE COMPUTERS.I CONTACTED THE STATE POLICE AND TOLD THEM I WOULD BE PICKING THEM UP IN THE MORNING .. ...I QUICKLY DISCOVERED THAT THE STATE IS ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES BUT NOT COMMON CITIZENS..THEY WANTED ME TO COME BACK OVER AN HOUR DRIVE AND SIGN THE CORRECT LIST...I CALMLY INFORMED THEM THAT THEY WOULD HAVE TO COME TO ME, WHICH THEY DID AND I SIGNED THE PAPER AND WHEN ASKED FOR THE ORGINIAL, I LAUGHED SO HARD...I STILL HAVE THE ORGINIALS .THERE IS ALOT MORE BUT I CANT TELL IT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM GOING TO SET THINGS RIGHT AND IN A LEGAL FASHION THANKS FOR HEARING AND ALLOWING ME TO VENT....

Anonymous said...

God bless the women who have a heart for broken men. Mine is a victim of sexual molestation as a child by babysitters. He developed what they call dissociative fugue that started when he was 11 years old at a playground. As a teenager and then as an adult,whenever he gets in a state of depression, self loathing or stress it comes out and he drives off somewhere unconsciously and is caught doing indecent exposure and he has no recollection how he got there or why he is doing what he is doing and of course no one believes him yet he just stands there in the stuper until he gets caught totally illogical. Needless to say after so many times they put him in prison off an on and he is branded a S.O. as well. It turns out his dad didn't want to address it because his dad was covering up the fact that the abusing teenagers were kids of a woman he was having an affair with and evidently they would force this little six year old kid to masterbate for their personal amusement and then make fun of him. His mother found out the truth years later after his dad died and that the father has a son with that other woman who surfaced. Anyway,I met him 13 years ago and he too was my soul mate and I believed him and tried to creat a safe life for him. We came to the Lord together and were regularly attending church and my husband was doing well with no events until he got cancer last December '08 on his tonsil and had to have radical surgery which has given him an eating and speaking disability which by the way adds to another disability- he also has no hearing in his left ear from spinal meningitis as a kid which went undetected by his parents until a teacher pointed it out and he has a fused foot from another accident with chronic pain and he now is broken out with psoriasis from head to toe as a result of the trauma from chemo radiation and surgery another inherited gift from his dad. So thatold saying the sins of the father visiting the children..OH YES! Lately my husband has been sinking mentally and emotionally in chronic pain in his mouth and body scales from the skin disorder and the tight finances...After serving at church as the power point person on October the 4th( I didn't go because I had stayed up late for my birthday with family), anyway he intended to come home right after and never did...I feared the worst..and yes he did it again...no memory of how he got there..just picked up again and now in jail again..his lawyer is trying to get him into mental health court..trying to get him help instead of incarceration at state prison..and his failing health is at stake as well. I am in anguish. I have only shared this with my adult daughter from a previous marriage and my oldest sister and the church pastors who are visiting him and supporting him spiritually. I don't know what to expect now. We have lived with this skeleton in the closet for years...I am at times just as broken..but I am standing on the God's word I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME..GOD HAS NOT GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF FEAR BUT OF POWER, LOVE AND A SOUND MIND! AMEN. To all you amazing loving wives of broken men out there just know that everyone deserves a chance to be forgiven and loved and that as you do this to the least of these Jesus says you do it to Him..AMEN!! God Bless you all!

Anonymous said...

Wow Dee your story is so like mine it was kind of strange reading it. I to meet a great man. We worked together went out and feel so in love. I cant see how a man who treats me so well could do these things, but he did. He admited them to me but he also knows it was wrong and has changed. He was so affraid to tell me he thought i would leave him and i may have if he had told me on the first date but i got to know him and i to beileve in giving 2nd chances. He was sincer in the fact he knows what he did was wrong and will for ever have to pay for it. But he still wants to live a normal life. We love each other deeply and he has complied with all requirements from parole to residancy. It has been a challange but it is worth it for the love he gives me in return.

Anonymous said...

The laws need reform. They dont work well for those who comply.

joan said...

i'm new to this site, husband and i hacen't been married a year yet and they put him in jailfor not letting them know that he had gone into private contracting. the sex offense that he has is the most trumpted up charge i have ever heard of no rape just being at the wrong place at the wrong time. i have waited 24 years for him to come into my life. all we want to do is live out the rest of our lives in peace. this was supposed to be our first christmas together. i'm here and he is in jail. these last charges happen in feb of this year and he had been on curfew for the last 8 mos. them on nov 30 they put him in jail. we are waiting the appeal. if he doesn't get that. then he has to spend 15mos in jail.
i'm trying to be strong but i don't know hat to do.

Anonymous said...

my husband is a reg. sex offender , he does not live with because of our children, he use to allowed to come over and visit. He recently got a new PO, She has decided to change the rules he can no longer be in my home at all. All of this just before Christmas, when he asked his PO and her supervisor why the change her answer because i said so. two weeks someone called the state police and said he was living here and i was covering it up. How can they keep harrassing us with no recourse. My husband has been out for almost 5 years and has followed all the rules. Now everything has changed because some one wanted to be a hero and cause trouble for my family. I do not know what to do or who to turn to for help. If there is any to be had

Anonymous said...

My husband is a former sexual offender. He has been out 5 years this January. We have been married 4 years. I lost residential custody of my son NOT because my husband did anything wrong since his release BUT because my ex husband was jealous of another man being in his son's life. My ex basically ignored his son for 3 years yet when he found out I remarried he took me to court and in one day without a lawyer I lost my son. A week later when I had gotten a lawyer he filed because I only had 2 days notice before court but this was a sexual offender we are talking about so the judge denied the request.My ex moved out of state and has moved court jurisdiction to another state. Even though a forensic psychologist has written statements saying my husband is as low as low can go for reoffending without saying never I can't visit with my son and the judge does not want to hear about the psychologist;s findings. How many other ex criminals get this attention.

Anonymous said...

My Husband was recently arrested taken to jail and later bonded out by his parents for sexual abuse of a minor...problem is that minor was my now 17yo daughter. He is awaiting sentencing and is ready to accept it.I guess I should say that he has not denied that any of it happened and that my daughter has confronted him. My daughter is trying to move on and deal with all of this in her own way, she is a really amazing girl, unfortunately DCF and all legal people involved will not let her move on, they want her to keep rehashing every detail.
They are continually asking if she is ok with me talking to my husband and she continues to tell them she wouldn't have it any other way. There is an oop against him for my daughter. He has not and will not violate that order or any other.
I guess I should tell you that I have never doubted my daughter in all of this but other people make me sound like a monster because "how can i possibly still talk to the man who did this to my child." I, at one time, would have said the same...Now I say "you can never imagine how you will feel until you walk in these shoes." He has been the love of my life and my best friend for 13yrs. I can't just turn that off. I feel like I'm insane most of the time and like nobody else in the world could ever possibly be going or have gone through this kind of hell. Guess that I'm just looking for some justification that I'm not losing my mind. I hate what this man did, I don't hate the man..

Anonymous said...

I also am a wife of a SO.. My husband is getting ready to go to sentencing on April 5th, I was really surprised that the family has so much say in what would happen to him. The courts don't even know him all they see is what the family had to say. My husband made some errors in judgement, and we have learned many things over the last 9 months. I am sure my husbands picture will be back on TV and our address posted in the newspaper again when he is sentenced and sent to a correctional institution. The address posted bothers me alot but hopefully I won't have any trouble.. We got involved with a family, and out of pity helped them out financially, took them on vacations, gave them things that they didn't have and when I began to feel that they had expectations that we would continue to bale them out (after 7,000) i decided it was time to make it clear that we were tapped out, and the next day they went to the police. My husband is a good man, a man that has never been in trouble before, but no one cares. All that matters is that he made a mistake in judgement with a teenager, and will pay for it dearly. Doesn't matter because no one cares about our side only the other side. I wonder why they lump them all in 1 category. It would be nice to talk to someone who understands, who has been there. We have friends that have stuck by us. We have been open about the situation because its posted out there for the whole world to see, but there are somethings that only another wife would understand. Our neighbors who know us have been supportive. We have had a few problems with the teenagers down the street when they have parties. They like to break bottles in our driveway and minor things. The legal system is set up to believe the victim not the offender. Our attorney told us in the beginning that we will live in a box. But I will not live in a box after 4/5 any longer. He might have to register for 10 years after he does his time but I will not believe that our lives will be forever ruined. I have to believe and trust in God. Without him I would probably have not made it through this situration or what ever obstacles we face in the future.

Lynn said...

To Anonymous: I am in the midst. My husband of almost 4 yrs is charged with sexual abuse and get this, child prostitution, because of bribes given. The victim is my youngest daughter. We are a blended family. He also has not denied or admitted to the charges because it is still an open case. I am not suppose to question my daughter or have contact with him. Only by third person, by order of CPS. I agree with the other wife who says I can't believe I don't feel hate for him. I thought I would, but feelings are strong and marriage is a commitment to death. I searched on for a site for support, because only women in this situation can support each other. It is just like when I lost my first husband to cancer, there is nothing harder, then this exploded in our life. Know I support you all. I pray for my husband daily and hope we can be together again someday. I do have a hard time with trust and will have to work on that. If it is your own child, and CPS is involved its even harder. I walk on eggshells so my kids aren't taken away. Thanks for letting me share.

Anonymous said...

A Recently New Sex Offenders Wife

I wrote this letter to our wonderful Law Makers, I'm hoping someone will listen!

I would like to discuss with you about our SEX OFFENDER Registry,
Please hear me out. I am a wife of a Sex Offender and I want to tell my story, I married my husband in 2003, he came from a very good family, his dad and brother are ministers, his other brother is a lawyer and his sister is an engineer. My husband retired from the United States Navy back in 1995.
We had a good life, I’m not sure when this problem arose but in 2009, My son found a camera at the end of my in home tanning bed and turned it over to the police, that brings us to present day nightmare, on the hard drive the investigation found 6 videos of 2 girls (at the time they would have been 15 years old ) the deleted videos from back in 2008 was all that was found on the hard drive except for myself. My husband was arrested and spent 37 days in the county jail, I needed time to evaluate what had happen and about my marriage, after many books and counseling sessions I decided to post bail for my husband, I had bought a small trailer so he could live there and it was up to him to figure out what he needed to do about his situation, he immediately called a counselor and started his sessions and eventually I joined the sessions too. The counselor wanted him to see a doctor, so he set his appointment up and both the counselor and doctor diagnosed my husband with BIPOLAR 2, not that this excuses his actions, they believe he has had this all his life, but undiagnosed. After listening to the doctors and reading up on BIPOLAR, I am starting to understand the disease, this disease leads to RISKY behavior and being treated with medicine helps with the highs and lows of life and other things that happen in the brain.
After long searching within me and about my marriage, I wanted to work things out with my husband. A marriage vow that I took seriously, in sickness and health.
My husband was sentenced on September 14th 2010 to 4 years in Prison and will have to be labeled a Sex Offender for 25 years. All because he made a BAD choice, he never touched the 2 girls nor did he send pictures onto the internet, I want to make that VERY clear.
My husband was very remorseful for what he had done. I believe that a first time non violent sex offender should be given a second chance at life.
I understand the need to protect our children but sex offenders have children too so while protecting one set of children you are damaging another set of children, this doesn’t make sense.
We don’t have registries for Murders or Drug Dealers these type of OFFENSES hurt our children as well
This registry not only effects the Offender, but the innocent family that tries to stay together is also effected and that is not fair to me or my kids.
I do believe that if they are REPEAT Offenders or Rapist, Molesters there should be notification.
The First time NON violent Offender/ NO CONTACT should require extensive treatment and Probation for ever long the courts deem. There are hundreds of Sex Offenders that are on a list that don’t deserve to be on the list.

God is our JUDGE and he FORGIVES, why do we think we have the right to try and be ABOVE GOD?

WE NEED TO PROTECT ALL CHILDREN and this registry does not protect the sex offenders family.

Anonymous said...

A Recently New Sex Offenders Wife
I wrote this letter to our wonderful law makers, I'm hope someone is listening.
I would like to discuss with you about our SEX OFFENDER Registry,
Please hear me out. I am a wife of a Sex Offender and I want to tell my story, I married my husband in 2003, he came from a very good family, his dad and brother are ministers, his other brother is a lawyer and his sister is an engineer. My husband retired from the United States Navy back in 1995.
We had a good life, I’m not sure when this problem arose but in 2009, My son found a camera at the end of my in home tanning bed and turned it over to the police, that brings us to present day nightmare, on the hard drive the investigation found 6 videos of 2 girls (at the time they would have been 15 years old ) the deleted videos from back in 2008 was all that was found on the hard drive except for myself. My husband was arrested and spent 37 days in the county jail, I needed time to evaluate what had happen and about my marriage, after many books and counseling sessions I decided to post bail for my husband, I had bought a small trailer so he could live there and it was up to him to figure out what he needed to do about his situation, he immediately called a counselor and started his sessions and eventually I joined the sessions too. The counselor wanted him to see a doctor, so he set his appointment up and both the counselor and doctor diagnosed my husband with BIPOLAR 2, not that this excuses his actions, they believe he has had this all his life, but undiagnosed. After listening to the doctors and reading up on BIPOLAR, I am starting to understand the disease, this disease leads to RISKY behavior and being treated with medicine helps with the highs and lows of life and other things that happen in the brain.
After long searching within me and about my marriage, I wanted to work things out with my husband. A marriage vow that I took seriously, in sickness and health.
My husband was sentenced on September 14th 2010 to 4 years in Prison and will have to be labeled a Sex Offender for 25 years. All because he made a BAD choice, he never touched the 2 girls nor did he send pictures onto the internet, I want to make that VERY clear.
My husband was very remorseful for what he had done. I believe that a first time non violent sex offender should be given a second chance at life.
I understand the need to protect our children but sex offenders have children too so while protecting one set of children you are damaging another set of children, this doesn’t make sense.
We don’t have registries for Murders or Drug Dealers these type of OFFENSES hurt our children as well
This registry not only effects the Offender, but the innocent family that tries to stay together is also effected and that is not fair to me or my kids.
I do believe that if they are REPEAT Offenders or Rapist, Molesters there should be notification.
The First time NON violent Offender/ NO CONTACT should require extensive treatment and Probation for ever long the courts deem. There are hundreds of Sex Offenders that are on a list that don’t deserve to be on the list.

God is our JUDGE and he FORGIVES, why do we think we have the right to try and be ABOVE GOD?

WE NEED TO PROTECT ALL CHILDREN and this registry does not protect the sex offenders family.

Please rethink the Adam Walsh Bill, it’s UNCONSTITIONAL!!!

Donna said...

I am reading all of these stories and realizing I am not alone. What a great feeling! Some sounded just like mine, with little differences here and there. I have started my own blog to vent and give info and education to anyone who cares to listen. Please join me at http://theunbelievabletruth.wordpress.com Thanks!

hannah said...

i know i may be young (19) but (dee) like u said, (SOMTIMES YOU JUST KNOW)!!!imarried in august of 2011 but ive known my husband sence i was 15. i have a 1 year old son and i live in cherokee county GA! my husband has been a registured sex offender sence may of this year! and yea we delt with the papers and his face all over the internet!!its so stressful for me being so young and have to deal with what we go through all the time! and all the rules and regulations ughh!! well i start with my story...on why these people think my husbands a MONSTER!WELL HES NOT A MONSTER!!!
I MYSELF WAS THERE WE THIS SO CALLED CRIME TOOK PLACE!!!
people expeirence when there young. we all know that rite?
well my husband was accused of raping my best friend 16 yrs old at the time and yes it was consentual until she got so drunk ON HER OWN she thought my husband was raping her. it was me(THE SO CALLED Victim)and our other 2 girlfriends in one bedroom doing things we shouldn't have been doing, well don't u think if my bff was being raped her friends woulda stopped it. im just gna be str8 up we were all havin an orgy and things got wayyy out of hand.. my husband didnt drug this girl she ingested these things at her on risk. all it was, was alcohol and weed although she told the cops she was drugged THATS COMPLETELY NOT TRUE!!ugh i wish i could start from the beginning but theres so much involved ur eyes would start to bleed if i wrote everything word by word. before all these allegations happen my husband if u knew him u would know hes ugh words just cant describe him hes just to good to be true! now most people mite say "oh well anyone who would provide alcohol for underage girls and do this and do that blah blah blah blah blah could never be a preacher! well yea thats rite i said it! my husband wanted to be a preacher! do u know how many preachers there are who have drank and done drugs and went down a wild road like that before IDO!!! so who is anyone to judge just bcuz he done what he did as far as providing alchol and engaging in something completely consintual at the time doesnt mean he didnt wanna be somebody, doesnt mean he cant be who he still is at heart! why do people look at him this way! he passed his polygraph too! i know theres alot of details im leaving out and whoevers reading this is prolly blown away with questions on what he did exactly but none of that matters the only thing that matters is I am not a sex offender! im a normal person and my husband is a normal person just bcuz im married to a sex offender doesnt make me in the wrong I KNOW HIM i know him more than he knows himselfi just feel like if they look at him bad then heck i guess im just as bad for marrying him rite! ok well point proven i havnt done anything i havnt been convicted!!!so why should u still look at him that way! with all this evidence with all my knowing of who he really is! a good man!!! ugh i just wish they would give me a lie detector test! ICANT EVEN LIVE WITH MY OWN HUSBAND FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD!!!all this goverment wants is money money money im just about ready to go on strike for whats rite! im so sick of watchin the county running all over people just bcuz we have no money to fight up against them but even if we tryed it would make a diference cuz the people we go to for help are the same people were fighting with!! im being pulled between my son and my husband and i dont know what to do! i have no family and no friends to help me get by and hes my only sapport rite now i know i shouldnt depend on a man but no ones been in my shoes i just am lost for words now i just need somone to here me! i just need advice on what i know alot of women here have gone thru before!
Thanks-HAnnah

hannah said...

wow! im so happy i found this place!im so happy im not alone idno if any of u still use this site!?!? but i have just recently came across it! i was goin to start my own blog and then i figured out idno how to use this thing yet lol so i layed down to go to bed and do some research on my phone, well i googled (MY HUSBAND IS NOT A SEX OFFENDER) and hes not! and the first link i saw was dee dees link of blogspot.com where i had just left from haha crazy huh!? (THATS NO COINCIDENCE) i feel as if i was ment to be here :)

i posted another blog here a sec ago cuz i didnt have enough room for everything so please read it!

please HELP ME!! I KNOW IM YOUNG BUT THATS JUST IT!!! IM THE FUTURE AND I WANT TO SPREAD THE WORD AND SPEAK UP ON WHAT US WOMEN HAVE TO GO THROUGH IN SITUATIONS LIKE THESE WHERE NOTHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT EVEN WHEN U KNOW IN UR HEART THAT UR MAN IS INNOCENT! AND SOME REAL CRIMANAL CAN BE TAKING HIS PLACE BCUZ NO ONE DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED WHEN U KNOW FOR A FACT THEY DID NOTHING WRONG EXPECAILY WHEN UR A WHITNESS IN MY SITUATION :/ SO IM HERE TO CRY OUT FOR HELP AND ADVICE ON WHAT THERE IS TO DO TO GET THRU THESE ROUGH TIMES! expecaily when ur married to it! i married a sex offender whom is NOT A SEX OFFENDER!!!

Thanks
Hannah

add me on facebook
www.facebook.com/hannahochoa1992

Dee said...

Hannah: I wish there were some words of advice I could give you. My husband has been pleading his innocence for over 30 years but no one wants to listen. Once you are labeled a sex offender...you are also labeled a monster and a liar. Your word as his wife has no affect either. After all, according to them, we were stupid enough to believe his lies and marry him. Do as I do, keep your head up and your heart open. Stand by your man. Hopefully, one day, people will wake up and realize that the RSOs are human also. A few are innocent and that the registry gives people a false sense of security as it is proven that the offender is often a friend or relative.

hannah said...

I was just wondering if we are able to have kids and live tomgether? what are your thought on that!? and thanks for ur advice. i appreciate truly it. it means so much to know im not alone...

hannah said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8gkDiTvloc


i dedicate this song to all of u special wives who know who your husband really is. just know that god will always be by ur side thru these trials and in the end we shall all seek justice for the ones we love and wont have to suffer with this hard cold stressful road forever.stick by them and love them let them know they are not a monster and are not alone and ur strong enough to get thru anything.

Dee said...

Hannah: Unfortunately, he wouldn't be able to live with you should you have children due to his conviction. I have heard from several wives and girlfriends who are facing that problem. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Hey Im about to start a relationship with a man Ive known ever since I moved here to this state 5 years almost 6 years ago. We have been friends since 2007 and he was arrested in 2008. He had been falsely accused being in his early 20s. Betrayed by the obvious wrong crowd he hung out with and lived with just to not be burden to his father. He had been incarcerated the past few years and his getting out soon. I knew him then and am just beginning to know him now and I do love him. Knowing that we have to start completely over to not only get to know but first time being intimate towards eachother. I know Im strong enough to handle being with him and both wanting to be with eachother and share the rest of our lives together. My friends have expressed their concerns with knowing since he will have to registered now as a SO, am I being a fool by going with my heart knowing that I cant live without him no matter what my friends or what me and him are going to be going through by being a couple...-S

Anonymous said...

oh and yes im bout to be 21 and he is just 4 years older than me. But having fondling 2 counts a 1 of exploite i knew that whore i was friends with her. Just dont know if Im going to end up living without him in the same house as me...

Anonymous said...

Hi dee, i noticed you told Hannah that they couldn't live together if they had children...is that because it was a crime against a minor they convicted him of? or is that for all rso's?

Dee said...

If it is a crime against a minor than absolutely "NO". Otherwise, he will probably have to get the "ok" from is PO and its usually a "NO" Luckily, my daughter was 23 when we were married.

Anonymous said...

what if he is no longer on probation. and was also told he has no living restrictions...like around schools or stuff like that?

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I found this blog. My husband was forced to register as a sex offender, and luckily my family and friends still accept him and understand that the charges against him were out of revenge. We are both students. He is working on getting his masters degree in Civil Engineering and I am going to school to be an RN. We both have two years of school left. His charges come from out of state and we are working on getting it transferred to our home state, but we have to find a place to live that's 2000 ft away from schools, daycares, etc. If that wasn't hard enough, we are having a hard time finding anyone who will rent to us. All they hear is sex offender, but my husband is not dangerous and he doesn't deserve to be treated like a criminal. We may end up being homeless because we can't find a place to live, we are students and can't afford to buy a house, and we can't live with my parents because I have a sister that is a minor. All of these laws are unfair and I feel like I'm so alone, and don't have anyone I can talk to that will really understand. When I'm alone I just break down and cry all by myself, and I pray so hard that everything will just be okay and that my husband will finish his probation. I don't cry in front of my husband because I want to be strong for him, and I don't want him to see me worried, which will in turn worry him more.

Anonymous said...

I am marring a man who is labeled a sex offender this year. He is my best friend and he did not do what he was accused of doing. The sex offender registry is so unconstitutional it's ridiculous. There should be a registry for drug dealers, murders, car jackers, robbers, and everything else. But nooooooooooo. JUST SEX OFFENDERS. It's so stupid. People are so dumb that they don't even realize that the people that they are so afraid of are MAINLY PEOPLE THAT PEED SOMEWHERE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE. Now me and my future children are going to have to suffer for the stupid laws of this stupid country and my fiance was suppose to only the on the f***ing for 10 years and now it's for the rest of our lives.

Anonymous said...

I guess when half the united states has to register; they will say humm.. maybe we did this wrong.

Anonymous said...

I know your post is two years old but it is the closest to my situation. My husband of twelve years is currently in prison for having sex with my daughter. He is being denied parole because him and I still have a relationship. I love my husband and he made a mistake. Would love to talk to you.


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Anonymous said...

I too am married to a sex offender. Never thought I would have to say those words. My husband of 13 years is accused of downloading child pornography. We proved that we were not in our home on 2 of the dates given to us but he had nothing to hide and admitted that he downloads movies (comedies, horror, etc). He downloaded a comedy and when he opened it up, it was juveniles. He deleted and told me about it. He's never had an interest in children. When our kids have parties or sports, he'd rather work or work on his car, hang out with his friends, etc. He was raised that a man's job is to provide financially so his family can live, eat and clothe themselves and a woman's job is to tend to the kids. We are young but unfortunately, he watched his father closely and his fathers habits stuck with him. I worry about my kids because their father cannot be involved even if he wanted to. He can't watch them graduate or anything. He is scared and I am scared for him. Can he even swim at the beach or pool in our hotel? Can he camp with us? He is allowed to live in our home and there have been no restrictions placed on school/park distances but this scares me. What if I have to sell my home? Where will we go? I'm scared that the littlest thing is a violation. He was told he can go to the grocery store, mall, etc but can't be around kids (other then his own). How is it possible? There are kids in the mall and grocery store. The rules contradict themselves. I wish there was a clearer definition of it all and different classifications. He is a tier 1 and not a lifetime register but in 15 years, our kids will be grown and gone. Its hurts. Do I stay because I love him and I know he is innocent but make our kids suffer his consequences or do I leave, forgetting the vows I took and give my kids what some will refer to as a "better" life and meet someone who can be there for EVERYTHING? This is tough on everyone, not just the offender.

Anonymous said...

So needing help!! My husband has been in prison for almost 5 yrs now, he made parole, but his parole stipulations so no contact what so ever with anyone under 18 we didn't think it was gonna be a big deal cause we assumed it didnt' mean his 5 year old and my 15 yr old. But found out today that he cant be around our kids even. So what am I to do now? Im lost, please help. its like the past 5 years have been for nothing all the waiting and visits and makin sure the kids went to see him to now have to say sorry you cant see daddy anymore.